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Love is a Commitment

The American Dream, build a career, get married, establish a family, buy a house and live happily ever after. I believe every child was fed this picture of an idea as they watched the media, went to school, or even sat at the dinner table in their home. As a young girl, a healthy family was only seen on pictures, magazines, at school or in the neighborhood grocery store.

Seldom, I would see the images flashed across the media in reality. I often wondered why the only shows appealing to me were The Cosby Show , Family Matters, A Different World, and The Fresh Prince of Bel -Air. Yet, after years of becoming, I realized, it was because the actors looked like me and I could relate to the culture. Even though, the families were far from what I witness on a daily basis. These shows still peeked the interest to go after the American Dream.

Lets go deeper……………….

Moreover, the public school system had already begun conditioning me to get a job. Math, Reading and Writing were all subjects that I could learn on my own, had I been condition to learn them at home. But, mommy and daddy, had to work to sustain the life we lived. So, school was a requirement, not a option. At the age of five years old, I had to go to school and be taught the subjects that would later yield me the results of my choices. So, I thought.

You maybe wondering, why would going to school be a problem? It isn’t, but that is dependent on the person’s foundation. Think about it, if your going to school based on an idea that was not your own. Your being condition! You haven’t made a conscious decision to get a job, get married, build a family and buy a house. This reality of the “American Dream”, is an established thought/idea of a life for someone else’s pressure . How do you know at the age of five that you want to live the American Dream ? Or, were condition to believe that’s what you wanted?

So, whats wrong with the American Dream ? Nothing! But, if you never took the time to understand , who you are in a world, country, a body , a spirit and mind. Than how can you say you truly can commit to real love? Which is the idea of the American Dream. We do it all for our family, in the name of “LOVE”!

How can you consciously commit to establishing a career, marriage, and having children, if you never committed to getting to know who you are? Could it be your subconsciously or consciously committing to your idea of love because you’ve been condition too?

The best definition, I seen on commitment is, ” an engagement or obligation that restricts freedom of action“.

Love is a commitment! When I realize this, I thought….. what have I done?

During childhood, the only time, I would hear the word commitment mentioned was when someone was referring to a romantic relationship. Which now seems odd, as I reflect on the word as a 33 year old single women with a child. I had to commit to having a child. I marvel over the fact that commitment is in fact a choice.

So, why wasn’t I, consciously aware of the choices I’d made in my life that required a life time commitment?

The above question may sound crazy, but as I recall…. There are many people who have sex unprotected, not intentionally trying to have a child. Many people also, drink and drive not intentionally trying to crash. Nevertheless, many people hurt people, not intentionally trying too. How could this be, when we consciously no the consequences of our actions, yet make life time commitments subconsciously?

Subconscious meaning , the part of the mind of which one is not fully aware but which influences one’s actions and feelings .

Moreover, I didn’t have a choice to choose, if I wanted to go to school neither did my parents. Hmm….. Could this be the beginning of my subconscious choice to adapt to the nature of choosing everyone else but me? When my daughter started kindergarten, I was awaken by the fact, she was forced to sit in a seat and raise her hand before she was developmentally ready.

Let me paint this picture for you …..

According to Piaget’s theory of cognitive development , the pre operational stage is between 2-7 years old. Which is when a child doesn’t understand another person’s perspective. The world revolves around the child . Meaning, whatever the child absorbs is what the child will digest. This is our story people, since we all begun kindergarten at the age of five.

Think about it, when you started kindergarten you were being routinely programmed to live life on someone else terms.Wake up and go to school by 8:00 AM, Sit here, Take lunch at 11:00 AM, Go to Recess, Go home and do homework. No one asked you, who are you, why did God create you for such a time as this, what is your purpose on earth, how do you feel about going to school? Well they didn’t ask your parents either, so subconsciously you fell in line.

From birth to age 5, a child’s brain develops more than at any other time in life. And early brain development has a lasting impact on a child’s ability to learn and succeed in school and life.

Now you may be thinking, OK, what does this have to do with committing to love?

Well….. We know that love is a choice and we must actively choose what we commit too, right? But what happens, when a person subconsciously choose to commitment to someone without ever choosing to take the time to understand who and what LOVE is? Since there are times when you don’t like a person, but to be kind, patient, and selfless, you MUST choose love in that moment. Which is impossible to do, when you’re not SELF AWARE. As a result , your decisions are made from your subconscious mind.

Read that again!……..

See when you’ve been condition to comply based on other people’s standards, you pay less attention to how YOU FEEL. As a result, those demanding unmanageable feelings become the driving force to how you show up and deal with people in the world. When people allow the subconscious mind to run their life, they live a life from the lesser part of their existence. Your subconscious mind isn’t present, it’s a data bank that stores everything you see, do, and feel.

95 percent of brain activity is beyond our conscious awareness. Numerous cognitive neurosciences have conducted studies that have revealed that only 5% of our cognitive activities (decisions, emotions, actions, behavior) is conscious whereas the remaining 95% is generated in a non-conscious manner.

Love is a commitment in context sums up, we must consciously be aware of the love in us, to actively commitment to its nature. Learning to love yourself is the greatest love, you can ever do for anyone you claim to love.

In context, I wanted to uncover how tradition, society and systems get into our subconscious mind and change the awareness of our choices. See if you haven’t learned the essence of who you are, than you will easily give more of you than you should. All in the name of love. So it may not be love your giving because you can’t give true love without first learning loves nature.

The bible tells us, that we overcome by the power of our testimonies. So one should learn how to tell it’s story to receive the power God hid in them. The bible tells us, people are destroyed due to the lack of knowledge.

We know we’ve been condition to live life on other people’s terms since the age of 5. Thus, we didn’t decide to go to school.

Which could be part of the reason why, we let people treat us unkindly, let people lie to us, let people misuse us, give our bodies so freely, self medicate our minds, work jobs we don’t like, spend money we don’t have trying to impress people we don’t like and constantly telling ourselves were alright.

And we think its normal!!!!

Think about it, in school if we didn’t comply, we were labeled bad, uncooperative, out of control, disruptive, insubordinate and disobedient. The same consequence when you don’t look like the images portrayed in the media. Your ugly, if your skin isn’t clear, if you have extra roles, if your teeth isn’t straight,etc. And many of us become depressed because we don’t live up to what we see in other people. I know this all comes from our inability to know what love truly is.

Love is a commitment………

Today, commitment to getting to know more of God. For God is love and that love is in you. You must do the work to cultivate the relationship with God to rebuild your self image and subconscious mind.

How?

Start by looking in the mirror, looking into your eyes and letting your soul speak. See the mirror test, will tell you how you really feel about yourself. From there, pray the serenity prayer and allow God to come into your heart. Everyday strive to love you more. Create boundaries and let your NO be NO and Your Yes be Yes. Commitment to the love in you! I believe in YOU ! REMEMBER……….

Life Distractions Are Real!

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DISTRACTIONS

Distractions are real for we all have been distracted at one point in time in our life. (True!) Its evident,  life is a journey and no one has all the answers yet there are some people who have seem to  figured it out. We call those people successful or should I say Rich! LOL! I guess,  it truly depends on your definition of success. Since everyone seems to have their own perception of the word. However, that’s not what we are  here for . My goal here  is to expose the distractions of this world that cause people  to be distracted from there true aspirations.

See, in order to be successful in any endeavor one must have balance. Balance is needed in every area of our lives, such as  are   social life , spiritual life , family upbringings, career aspirations, educational goals , and  relationships.  All aspects require balance in order to obtain peace. Peace is needed to acquire the very things we truly want. On the contrary, distractions come to still our peace so we wont receive the very thing we yarn for.

Distractions is defined in the Wikipedia as, “the process of diverting the attention of an individual or group from the desired area of focus and thereby blocking or diminishing the reception of desired information. ” See if we loose focus on the very things we want we eventually lessen our desire to receive what we truly want. Distractions come in many forms, lets identify some ways they seep into our lives.

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Our Family Story

Our family story, YES we all have one. Right? (Right!) Every family has there issues, none of them are perfect.  Lets just make that known! Since we are aware,  we know , we all were born into some type of dysfunction. Now this dysfunction can either break us or make us.

What I mean by that is, once we get old enough  to make our own decisions. We can  look back at our child hood experiences. (Why would I want to do that?) Because our  child  hood experiences affect who we have become. Now some experiences have created bad memories that a lot of us would rather not talk about. Yet, these very experiences become distractions because they leave a bad taste in our mouth.

The taste causes us to act unconsciously when making decisions.  For instance,  by  not having a father to demonstrate how a man treats a women or having an actual emotional connection with him can cause anger, abandonment issues, promiscuous behaviors and fears.  Having a father as a role model gives men an example of how to be men  and  women a standard. This is just one example of a bad taste that is causing a lot of women and men to make poor choices in life.

Until we identify what those feelings  are and choose conscientiously to acknowledge them  we will be stuck in bondage. Once  we confront the issue  we no longer have to allow our past to affect our future decisions.  We can now let go of the  family story or patterns. Don’t tell yourself, this is  just who I am.  When in fact, we can all  rewrite our story. Don’t let how you were raised dictate how you live your life now, I call it a distraction!

 

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Hows Your Social Life Working For You?

The Social Life started the moment we begin school and for some us with our cousins. Someone to tell your  secrets to, true feelings and someone to simply play with. Having a social life is a necessity. Seriously, I think it is! Since we all need that thing in our lives where we can let or hair down and just be free. Everything doesn’t always have to be serious but remember it has to be balanced.  Balancing it,  is  where I see a lot of issues.  Since social media has surface people just don’t know how to  communicate anymore.

Understand,  I’m preaching to the choir because I  was guilty of this.  Yet, I think,  I have  figured it out. I call figuring it out as, taking a  social media break. Yes,  sometimes you have to take a break off social media because it is a big distraction. (HOW?)

Social Media gave people the opportunity to look into the window of other peoples lives. When paying attention to other people you take the focus off yourself. (Well, I don’t be on social media, like that.)

I did a study,  I sat in a restaurant and scanned around.  90% of the people where not out talking to each other they were on their phones. How many times, have you been having conversation with someone and their scrolling down insta, or Facebook, twitter or whatever?  The point,  they ain’t paying  no attention to you, their distracted.

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Knowledge Is Power!

OK! Now, back to when you started school and gained a social life.  If you came from a dysfunctional home and your parents didn’t educate you at home, on how to be leader, how to have integrity and how to focus. Then you probably were distracted at school and missed the  most important lesson. “Knowledge Is Power.” Its not about what you wear, or how your hair is laid, how much money you have,  its more about your character. How you contribute to making the world a better place.

We gain knowledge by feeding our brain. Expanding our mind to different ideas and things.  The bible tells us in (Proverbs 23:7 ) ” As a man thinkth  so is he.” This scripture is significant to this text because  what we feed our minds with,  will contribute to who we are.  Who we are, will determine how peaceful and accomplished our lives will be.

No matter what life throw at you,  continue to be a life long leaner so that you are able to change as life changes. Expand your perception of things so that you can expand your life.  This will require strength but remember knowledge is power.

 

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Spiritual Life

 

Your spiritual life is probably the most important aspect of your being. Why? Everything is spiritual. God is a spirit, When  he helps us, he does it by his very own spirit. He connects with us through spirit. Our spirit is the very essences of who we are.

If we think negative thoughts all the time, its because we have an insufficient spiritual life. If we are jealous of others or want what others have its because we don’t know who we truly are.  See a spiritual life helps you deal with you,  your emotions, thoughts, behavior, money and relationships . Ultimately,  it gives you a foundation to built off of.

Without a solid foundation everything falls.  Why? No one can escape life. Life has rules, life has cause and effect. Eventually the seasons will change and if there is no  spiritual life then there will be nothing to keep you going in the right direction.

A true spiritual life will keep you from being distracted.  (How?) You will already be aware of the distractions and you will have God to keep you focus. Remember being focus requires you to pay attention to where your heading. In doing so,  you need the help of a  healthy spiritual life  especially since there is another force seeking for your attention. We call this, Satan, the master at devouring.

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Relationships

Relationship are so important because our life is circled around them.  We have relationships at work, with family, with lovers and with God. I heard, how you do one relationship is how  you do all relationships. What that mean is, our relationship with people reflect our relationship with ourselves. If we experience negative or positive relationships with people its only mirroring how we act with ourselves. This is  why,  we must continue to grow as people so that are relationships with people will grow.

Anytime you are dealing with people the only thing to help the  relationship is forgiveness because we all make mistakes. We will come up short. The key is to learn yourself and understand your needs and boundaries. This way you have a reference sheet you can refer to when you are experiencing a difficult relationship. You have to check in with yourself and make sure you have been true to your own requirements.  If you  neglect yourself this is your problem not the other persons. For a relationship will either bring you closer towards your dreams or from them. You get  to choose whether you want to continue entertaining anything.

 

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SUCCESS!

You know you are successful when you are at peace in all areas of your life.  For example ; Financially, Mentally, Sociologically, Spiritually  and Physically.  In order to accomplish this level of succeeds,  one must balance each area by paying close attention.  Always remember the  lessons life has come to teach you  from past experiences and through the lives of others.

Its true, no one knows the road map to life but I do believe wise people from the past has left major clues.These clues can be found in your bible. Open it up. I think,  I will take my own advise because I to can become more focus. Until next time,  best friends stay true, and loving!

 

Here Is A Strategic Game Plan For You

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The Armor Of God!

 

Put all the full armor of God so that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of devil. (Ephesians 6:11)

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Have you ever heard this scripture and wonder what it truly meant and how you can apply it in your daily life? I have, actually the first time I ever heard the scripture was last year when my daughter attended vocational bible school during the summer. The whole summer session was focused on this unique scripture, helping not only the children but parents like me as well.

What stood out most to me was true principles from the word of God to help me fight the devils in my own life. There are 6 pieces of armor the bible tells us to put on everyday to guide us into our destiny.  Each piece not only supports our destiny yet protect every aspect of our life the enemy tries to attack.

The enemy is known as the devil himself. The bible tells us; Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. (1 Peter 5:8) We are apprehensive because of this scripture; the devil is very sneaky he tries to stop us from reaching our destiny.  He does this with confusion, and temptations placed in our way to  distract us from our true path.

Distractions come in many different manners. We can experience them from peers, family  and forms of technology.   Being distracted takes us off our focus and  destiny path.  The armor place by  god  for us is geared to help us experience life abundantly. No matter what comes our way we can use the armor of god to protect and influence our life.

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The armor consist of six weapons that will help safeguard your destiny walk. Lets identify these weapons together.

 

 

 

 

  1. The Belt Of Truth  is the first piece of armor mention in the bible without truth, we are lost, and the schemes of the devil will surely overpower us.  Use the belt of truth when you are tempted to go against what you know is true.   The truth will always set you free because it gives you the way to the father. Jesus is “the way, the truth, and the life” (John 14:6), and it is only through Him that we come to God.

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2. The breastplate of righteousness covers our most vital part; our heart. The bible tells us,   above all else, guard your heart,  for everything you do flows from it (Proverbs 4:23. ) For example, when we love freely from our heart we experience the best times in  our life. Conversely when we experience heartache our decisions are affect by the pain we  feel. For our heart is the essence of who we  are. It is our authentic self—the core of our  being. It is where all our dreams,  desires, and our passions live. It is that part of us  that connects with God and other people. Now I understand why we must guard our hearts above all else.

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3. Footwear of the readiness of the gospel gives us the ability to move and make decision based on who we are in Christ. The bible tells us,  faith without works is dead (James 2:17. )Because we know the good news of Christ we  can experience peace in Him that allows us to move closer towards our destiny. Yet, knowing our destiny is a step by step process we put on our shoes everyday to experience the day ahead.  In the same instance  we must also remember to put on the shoes of peace knowing that Christ has  already defeated the world on our behalf.

 

blog photo 64.  The shield of faith is used to “extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one” (Ephesians 6:16) Faith is defined as the  the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. (Hebrews 11:1)  With regards, when we  are hoping for something from god its very important that we act by faith because without it, its  impossible to please God. Acting by faith requires us to be vulnerable during the process. The process can be difficult at times because we  wont  always have  support from others but we know if we continue to walk by faith god will supply all our needs.

“If God said it, I believe it and that settles it!”

 

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5.  The Helmet Of Salvation  covers another prime asset on the body of the believer, the head.  The purpose of the helmet is to protect the head from injury, particularly from the warfare we  experience on day to day basis.  The fact that the helmet is related to salvation indicates that Satan’s blows are directed at the believer’s security and assurance in Christ. The helmet of salvation is that great hope of final salvation that gives us confidence and assurance that our present struggle with Satan will not last forever.

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6. The Sword of the Spirit  is the last piece of armor mention which is the word of God. The bible tells us, your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path. (Psalm 119:105)  The word will guide your life into spirit and truth. Allowing you to defeat the evil one, every time. Especially in those times when your mind fights against the word of god you must replace those thoughts with the word to assure you are not lead astray.

 

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The armor of god is  truth, plain and simple. We can have perfect confidence in the fact that His words are accurate, true and unerring. When followed, they guide us without fail in the paths that we need to walk.

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5 Steps To Live Authentically.

Have you ever felt like your life was passing you by and you had no idea where it was moving too? Don’t worry, Ive been there too. Many sleepless nights , watery eyes and you still  tell yourself you are, OK. Yet,  you can’t seem to shake the reality that you are not.

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After years of circles. I finally, looked in the mirror and got real with myself.  See, I  was use to going  to the mall and buying a nice outfit to cover up my shame. I would take  a selfie, right after I got ready,  and off   to  the club I went. Oh yeah,  and I  post my pic on social media too. Just to see all the likes and comments. Lets be real, some of y’all still do that now.

After the night had ended,I would look into the mirror and still be stuck with the real me all over again. The one,  who was damaged as a kid. The one,  who was talked about everyday during school hours by her peers. Yes, deep down  inside that little girl was still there begging for a voice.

She wanted to know,  that I remembered her.  As, I glance in the mirror I spoke  “I don’t believe, I’m  beautiful.”    Wow!  Where did that come from? It came from a place within, I had given my 5 year old self a voice to express the pain,  I felt from a childhood memory. Once I released that,  I was free.

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No more, spending money on unnecessary clothes to validate the pain I felt inside.  No more dating men that never respected me. All because,  I didn’t no my own worth.  No more, settling for less than what God created me to be!

No more, doing for others with the expectation they would do the same for me. No more, sugar coating  my thoughts to please others. No more, lying around waiting for the right opportunity.  Its time, I  create the opportunity.

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Step 1.  Look in the mirror and speak from within. 

Allow yourself to be vulnerable.  Vulnerability  requires you to trust yourself. If you can’t be vulnerable with yourself,  you will not trust anyone with your heart. Trust and vulnerability goes hand and hand.

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Step 2. Pray the Serenity prayer.

The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
As it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
If I surrender to His Will;
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life
And supremely happy with Him
Forever and ever in the next.
Amen.

Step 3: Begin to forgive everyone who has every hurt you.

When you forgive someone,  you don’t have to go to the person and tell them you forgive them. Just simply release the person in your mind and heart.  Don’t  allow yourself to be hurt by what they did anymore. Once you  forgive them, you will no longer feel bad or sad about what  they did.  Now,  God can begin to forgive you.  (Matthew 6:12) You are now truly free.
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Step 4:  Write a vision for your life. (Proverbs 29:18)

Where there is no vision, the people perish. In this scripture , its evident that we must be strategic about our life. Life was not design for us to just sit around and let it pass us by. We all have a purpose we were created for. Look within yourself, to understand what your purpose is and then  began to work everyday to make it a reality. God will give you provision, if you ask him.
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Step 5: Invest in Yourself!

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